I Have a Dream by Lilly

This is a guest post sent to me by Lilly, a beautiful soul who wants to help others through their depression and anxiety journey.

No one would have ever thought, But I have a big dream, which I want to chase and that is acting and song writing. I’m a shy, nervous person who has anxiety and depression and its hard to do things I want to do because of it.

When I went back to school on the first day of the first term (as I was previously home schooled) I had a massive meltdown, and that’s when everything started to change.

A week later when I was just starting to settle into school (which I called hell) people started spreading things around the school about me that weren’t true, and I tried telling people that the rumors they told were all wrong, until they wouldn’t stop, and I gave up.

I was just a ordinary teenage girl, who you would come across as a “loner” and would sit by herself on the staircase talking to herself about why people don’t like her, people would judge me for how I looked, the way I saw things from my perspective and would call me names and tease me in the open. And why they did this ?. I still don’t know.

School was one of my only chances of succeeding my biggest dreams in life as I said, acting and song writing, and people wrecked it for me. There are some days that I wish I could go back without all the hassle I went through, but some days I just want to stay home and cry.

One day at school, as rumors were still going on, I was yelling at people that came near me, I was shaken and wouldn’t go out side were everyone could see me, as I was sitting in the locker room quietly staring at the ground a few people came up to me and started verbally abusing me and corned me, I sat there in silence thinking of all the worst possible things that could have happened to me in that time it was happening, I didn’t know what to do, as they were done, they walked away and laughed.

In that term I had lost ALOT of weight and was badly depressed, I hated waking up in the morning knowing I had to go to school, I had bad social anxiety and I still do, but slowly getting better. I will never put my foot in another school ever.

I stayed at school for only one term because of all the things that happened, so I’m once again, home schooled. As I was at home, still stressed, I started gaining my healthy weight and starting to get my life back together, I had my horses and music to keep me happy while I had no one except my mum at that time. This is when I decided to write music and ever since its become my world. I’m still to shy to perform in front of people, but I have a good feeling its going to get better some how.

When I was little I always dreamed of being a school teacher or a vet, but no, Music and Disney is my world, and that’s what I want to become.

I love the movie Frozen, just Disney in general and the stories told is what makes me happy. And That’s what I want to do, I want to tell stories that will make people believe that anything is possible and to never give up.

I now know that I am me, and some people love me, and some people don’t, but I am who I am, I can’t change that. There are so many times I believed I would never be able to follow my dreams, but I now believe I can, and who ever had problems like this, please don’t give up, there are people out there who love and appreciate you, for being you, if you feel like giving up, just do something that makes you happy, I know that horses, music and writing keeps me happy, so maybe try the same thing ?.

I don’t know.

Just, Don’t give up, please, Because there is a big dream waiting for you to chase it.

By Lilly Guilbert

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