sadness

20140812-202826.jpg

I don’t read the newspapers or turn on my TV. My radio is busy with my favourite voices, Richard Fidler’s ABC Conversation Hour, Matt Corby’s Resolution, Thundamentals My Favourite Things, The Philosophers Zone.

No news reports.

So today I wore my favourite shoes. They are soft green and brown leather. They remind me of Peter Pan.

I travelled the four hours back home from work in the city, stopping regularly for “play breaks”. I never drive more than an hour without releasing my spine from the prison that is a car bucket seat. I had a strange urge to drive into the centre of a tiny town that I ordinarily drive straight past on the highway.

With a big smile I stumbled across a playground with everything a Big Kid could ever wish for. I headed straight for the swings. Swinging is great for boosting lymph flow, reducing excess stress hormone, stimulating the cerebellum in the brain and regulating heart rate.

As I swung I was reminded again of Peter Pan. My alter ego.

20140812-205129.jpg

I got home and turned off airplane mode on my phone. The world flooded back in. I found out Robin Williams is no longer in it. Somehow I was honouring him today without knowing why.

This post is a very special post. I saw this today and needed to share it with you. The artist autist that wrote it is a young girl who I have been getting to know through her incredibly amazing mother’s eyes. And I love everything I see.

Chloe Hayden has Aspergers. Just like Robin Williams.

She is creative and beautiful and soulful. She is destined for brilliance. She already represents it. Her photos are as moving as her writing. The photos in this post are hers. Please make her feel welcome in our Tree House.

20140812-205245.jpg

robin williams died today.

here is a list of things that robin williams was:

funny
sharp
kind
clever
and sad.
that’s important, the “and sad,” because sometimes sadness can feel like the only thing we are. it can feel all-encompassing. it can feel like the only thing anyone could possibly see, when they look at you: sad. that person is so, so, sad.

but there is always an “and.” we are never just sad. we are never only. we are always and.

we have all known people who were sad, who are sad; some of us are ourselves sad. being sad does not remove the other parts of us, though it can make them harder for us to see. when you are sad, you don’t necessarily feel like you are also funny, and sharp, and clever, and kind.

but you still are. you don’t have to feel like something to be it.

those things are written on your bones, they are woven into the fabric of your skin. sadness can feel so big, so big and overwhelming and complete, even when it is not a directed sadness. maybe especially when it is not a directed sadness, when it’s a depression that has no direct cause and nothing we can name.

sometimes the sadness is too big. people try to cut it out, or starve it out, or drink it down, or drug it silent. if this is you: i’m sorry. if this is you: you are not alone. if this is you: remember that the solution is never to give up, because you do not live in a vacuum. there are people waiting for you. there are films and songs and books and not-sadness waiting for you. i know that you don’t feel like waiting, but wait anyway.

if you need help, ask for it. .

robin williams died today, but the genie didn’t, and mrs. doubtfire didn’t, and peter pan didn’t. sean maquite didn’t, and professor philip brainard didn’t, and alan parrish didn’t. batty koda didn’t. john keating didn’t. you didn’t.

don’t.

20140812-210007.jpg

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *